The Life of Ellie Nash
by SweetBitterSmile
Summary: Ellie has a secret that even she doesn't understand. Corrected as needed. NO FLAMES PLEASE!


Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or anyone on the show. I'm just a big Pellie fan. :)

The Life of Ellie Nash

CHAPTER 1

"The wonderful thing about my life is...absolutely nothing." _'HA, yeah, you got that right, the wonderful thing about my life IS nothing,_' Ellie thought as she tore the piece of paper out of the notebook she was using to write her paper for her English class. _'Stupid paper! There is ABSOLUTELY nothing special about my life... unless of course I write about my cutting, that's special... to me anyways._' Ellie thought sarcastically as she unconsciously rubbed the scabs on her arm, both old and new from the day before. "Yeah, but I doubt Mrs. Kwan would like to read about my 'problem' as Paige so eloquently put it." Ellie said aloud to herself. _'Huh, I wonder if Ash is doing anything right now. I guess I'll call and see.'  
_

Ellie picked up the phone to dial Ash's number, but accidentally dropped it as she was surprised by hearing her mother break an obvious number of things in her run to the bathroom to throw up her amount of today's liquor. _'Well, you wouldn't be throwing up so much, mom, if you would just stop drinking.'_ Ellie thought.

"Yeah right," Ellie commented sarcastically as she bent down to pick up the receiver she had dropped in her surprise, and dialed Ashley's number.

"Hello?" Ashley's mother asked as she picked up the phone.

"Uh, yea hi, Mrs. Kerwin, it's Ellie. I was just calling to see if Ash could do anything?"

"Oh, I'm sorry dear, Ashley is in her room working on her new song for your guys' gig tomorrow at The Roxbury, and said that she didn't want to be bothered by anyone today so she could finish it." Ashley's mom replied.

Ellie smiled at how funny it was to hear Ashley's mom say 'gig', but frowned when she heard that Ash couldn't do anything today. "Ok, can you at least tell her that I called?" Ellie asked.

"Oh, yes I will dear, I'd be glad to. Goodbye." "Bye."

'_Great,'_ Ellie thought as she hung up the phone, _'now I'm going to be bored out of my mind for the rest of the day, with Ash and her song, Marco at the beach with Dylan, and Hazel and Jimmy at the movies with Spinner and Paige, I have nothing to do._'

"Oh my god, I can't believe I'm actually desperate enough to think about hanging out with Spinner 'The Cheese Man' Gavin and the rest of Paige's posse. Wow, I can really be pathetic sometimes." Ellie said to herself as she fell down on her bed to relax.

'_Mmmmmm Paige, I wonder if she's having fun right now. She's probably making out with her boyfriend and all that other fun stuff that you can do at movies.' _Ellie thought jealously.

'_OH NO!'_ Ellie thought ridiculously as she rolled over in her bed, and put her head underneath her pillow. _'Not again! Come on Nash snap out of it, that girl is never going to think twice about you in a romantic way, just get over it. She only told Mrs. Sauvé about your cutting because she was scared you were going to go too far with it and end up killing yourself.'_

"Yeah, of course, she only did it because she was scared." Ellie said to reassure herself that Paige didn't feel that way about her. "Besides I don't even feel that way about her, so why should I care?" Ellie asked herself. **_'Yeah right,'_** the voice inside her head replied sarcastically, **_'you do, too.'_** _'Oh shut up! Who asked you?'_ Ellie replied. _'OH CRAP!' _Ellie thought as she sprang up from her bed, cutting any further conversation with the voice inside her head off. _'The gig IS tomorrow. God! I can't believe I completely forgot about it until now. Now I have to worry about getting ready for the gig and my English paper this weekend. And here I was thinking for once I could have a worry free weekend to relax... Yeah, like that would ever happen.' _She thought that last sentence sarcastically.

'_Well I guess I could try to at least finish my paper, that's the easiest thing to worry about right... but I'm too tired to worry about it right this second. So I guess that leaves the Dot.'_ Ellie thought while she got ready to leave to walk to the Dot.

CHAPTER 2

'Ca-Ching!' Ellie looked up in surprise when she heard the noise as she opened the door to the Dot. _'When the hell did they get that?'_ Ellie thought as she glanced at the bell above the door that rang every time someone opened it. She gently shook her head from side to side as she sat down in the closest booth she could find. As she got comfortable she noticed the lone figure sitting slumped over in the booth next to her staring at her. _'Oh god no.'_ Ellie thought as she saw Paige slowly get up and walk over to her booth. _'Not her, anyone but her right now please!'_

"Ellie... hi, how are you?" Paige asked as she sat down across from Ellie, all the while glancing at her arms in concern.

"I'm fine." Ellie replied as she put her arms underneath the table away from Paige's wondering eyes. "What do you want Paige?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing since the last time I saw you... you know when you were..."

"Yes Paige I know what you mean and I would appreciate it if you would leave me alone." Ellie said calmly, cutting off Paige's' obvious attempt at trying to talk about her 'problem', all the while trying to keep her anger in check.

"Well god Ellie, I'm sorry for actually giving a damn about you, but you don't have to freak out on me every time I try to talk to you." Paige replied angrily.

"Well look Paige; I don't need for you to be on my case constantly about my 'problem' every time you TRY to talk to me, and I sure as hell didn't need you to tell Mrs. Sauvé about it either." Ellie yelled back at her.

"Excuse me ladies, I would appreciate it if you would take your argument outside please, you're disturbing the customers." The manager of the Dot explained as he came over to the table, breaking up the fight before anything drastic could happen.

"Actually, sir, we were just finished talking." Ellie replied as she was getting up to leave.

"Ellie... Ellie, wait, please!" Paige yelled as she chased after Ellie so she could apologize.

"What do you want to say now, that cutting myself was the dumbest thing anyone could ever do to themselves?" Ellie yelled sarcastically as she continued walking down the street.

"No, I wanted to apologize for hurting your feelings. I didn't mean to, I mean it." Paige replied.

"Look, okay," Ellie said as she turned to face Paige, all the while still walking backwards, "I don't need your apologies... and I'm sorry, too, I had no right to yell at you like that back there, but can you please leave me alone now?"

'_And I don't need you either, Paige, so why can't you just leave me alone like you have so many times before? Please, before I do something I'll regret doing, like kissing you when I know you don't feel the same way.'_

'**_Yeah, you may not 'need' her, but you do 'want' her don't you Ellie?' _**The voice in Ellie's head replied.

'_Oh, shut up and leave me alone, I may love her by it doesn't automatically mean I want her.'_ Ellie replied. Ellie froze as she realized what she had just thought. "Oh My God," she whispered aloud, "I AM falling for Paige Michealchuck."

"Excuse me, what did you just say?" Paige asked in a tone that clearly stated that she knew exactly what Ellie had said and that she was very surprised.

"Uh... I didn't say anything, Paige. You obviously must be hearing things... which by the way, why were you back there at the Dot? I thought you were supposed to be at the movies with your lap-dog Spinner and posse?" Ellie replied completely changing the subject at hand.

Paige's face fell a little, "Spinner and I broke up, but we're still friends. He found out something about me that caused us to break up. But that's another story for another time Ellie, now don't change the subject."

Ellie facial expression went from shocked to scared as Paige explained what had happened between her and Spinner. "Um... I... uh..." Ellie stuttered, "I said that I was... uh... falling... for you." Ellie whispered the last part so softly Paige almost hadn't heard what she had said, but she did.

Paige stood there in shock as she finally registered what Ellie had said. "Oh my god!" Paige whispered, and immediately regretted it as she saw the hurt expression on Ellie's face, along with the tears that had suddenly sprang to her eyes. But before Paige could say anything else, Ellie took off running down the street.

Ellie continued running as fast as she could, where she was running to she had no idea, she just knew she had to keep running, she just had to get away from Paige, she had to get away from everything.

"God, could my life get any worse!" She yelled out, to no one in particular, as she stopped running and sat down on the park bench, "Man, I am so confused right now; I don't even know what I want anymore." Ellie sighed as she slumped forward. _'I need to get home before mom starts getting pissed off.'_ Ellie thought as she wiped her tear-filled eyes with her sleeve. _'Come on Nash, you're not the type to cry so easily, what is the matter with you?'_

'**_That's easy, you've fallen for someone and they just broke your heart! I think that's reason enough to start crying.' _**The voice in her head replied.

'_Yeah, I guess you're right. Well, we better be getting home, huh?_' Ellie got up to start her long walk home, which she wasn't really in the mood for, but she took the walk anyway. But before she could start walking she paused once she realized that she was talking to herself. _'Great, now I'm going crazy. What a perfect ending to a perfect day.'_ She thought sarcastically. When Ellie got home she immediately went to her room and laid down and as soon as her head hit the pillow she fell into a restless sleep, thinking about the days events.

CHAPTER 3

The next day as Ellie woke up, she looked at the clock to see that it read 3:30 in the afternoon, and then she remembered that the gig at The Roxbury was tonight and she still had to get ready. _'Wow, I can't believe I slept that long. Great job Nash, now you have to get ready for the gig and it starts in exactly two hours.'_ Ellie thought as she jumped out of bed and headed for the shower. When she got out of the shower she headed to her room to check her caller ID, in order to see who had called. The name Michealchuk appeared 4 times, twice last night, and twice this morning.

'_What the hell would she call for? Other than to talk to me about the fact that I'm gay. Or at least I think I am?'_ Ellie thought as she threw her phone on her bed and got ready for the gig. Later that night at The Roxbury, Ellie had been trying to avoid Paige the entire time she had been there, and Ashley was starting to get suspicious about what was going on between the two of them.

"Okay Paige, that's it! I want to know what the hell is going on with you and Ellie and I want to know now!" Ashley demanded firmly as she came up to Paige back stage.

"NOTHING!" Paige said as she looked at her, but then her resolve slipped and she told Ashley the whole story about what had happened the day before.

"And she ran off before I could tell her how I felt, and now I don't know what to do." As Paige finished telling Ashley the whole story, she stood there and waited for Ashley to start blowing up at her, but it never happened. Instead, Ashley said that she would help her however she could, but that she doubted she'd be able to.

"Thank you." Paige said honestly.

"Hey, what are friends for right?" Ashley replied with a grin.

"Okay! Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to present Hell Hath No Fury! They're a new band here and they're trying to get recognized, so be nice. And have fun!" The manager of the night club said as the crowd applauded the band.

"Okay, now you know what to do right Paige?" Ashley asked as she and Paige were walking out onto the stage.

"I think so. Are you sure you want me to sing? I mean you're the lead singer, not me." Paige replied.

"You want her to know how you feel, right?" Ashley asked.

"Well yeah, but..."

"No buts Paige, now just sing the song you wrote, okay?"

"Okay." Paige replied in a nervous tone.

"Um... Hi everyone. Well... first we're going to start off with a song I wrote for someone really special to me. And it's supposed to tell them how I feel, being as they didn't give me a chance to yesterday." Paige said to the audience. Ellie's head shot up when she heard what Paige had said, "This song's called, When I Found You."

When I Found You

I believe

We all have one true love

Somewhere in this world

I do (I do, I do)

When it seemed

All my dreams

Were falling through

That's when I found you

I believe for every heart

That whispers in the dark

There's a ray of light somewhere

Shining through

It was sink

Or swim

When the tide came in

I found myself

When I found you

I found the closest thing to heaven

Yes in you

I found the deepest love I knew

Ooooh Oh

I'll believe

Yes it's true

I found myself

When I found you

Ooh yeah

I believe (I believe)

For every door (Every door)

That's closing

For every heartbreak

There's hope for something new

From the ashes rise a glimpse of paradise

It still flickered in your eyes

When I found you

I found the closest thing to heaven

Yes in you

I found the deepest love I knew

Ooooh Oh

I'll believe

Yes it's true

I found myself

When I found you

A life unfolds

No one knows

I thought love was just a tingling of the skin

I felt so alone

All Alone

More than you could ever know

You show deep love

Sweet love

When I found you (I found love)

Oh (the closest thing to heaven)

Oh yeah

I found you baby, I found you

I found you

Yeah

I found myself

When I found you

I found the closest thing to heaven

Yes in you

I found the deepest love I knew

Ooooh Oh

I'll believe

Yes it's true

I found myself

When I found you, you

As Paige sang the last part of the song, the audience irrupted in applause. The band took a bow, and then Ashley went on to sing the rest of songs for the gig. When the gig was over, the audience irrupted in applause again.

As Ellie walked off to go back stage when the gig was over, she kept thinking, _'Wow! I can't believe she feels the same way.'_ Ellie turned around when she heard someone call her name, and smiled when she realized it was Paige.

"Um... Hi!"

"Hi." Paige replied as she smiled, "So... uh... I was wondering if I could talk to you really quick?"

"Uh sure… I'd like that." Ellie replied as the two of them walked into the alley behind the club.

"So Ellie, I just wanted to say that… uh… that I… that I love you too. And that the reason that Spinner and I broke up was because he found out that I was gay, and because he also found out that I had feelings... for you, but you ran off yesterday before I could tell you. I mean you really surprised me when you said that you were falling for me too, so I froze up." Paige babbled.

Ellie smiled when she realized that Paige was babbling, and before she could continue, Ellie leaned in and kissed her. Paige was a little surprised, but starting kissing her back when she realized that Ellie was about to pull away. When they pulled apart after a few minutes, Paige just looked at Ellie, "I almost lost you once I'm not going to lose you again."

Ellie just smiled and as she leaned in for another kiss she thought, _'Wow, maybe there is something special about my life after all!_'


End file.
